as usual

I have been afraid of showing my feelings for entire my life. It is getting better since I moved to USA. But still I am really afraid. kinda scared. Therefore I don't think I had relationship with anybody. well you know it was like we were a couple but we didn't understand each other deeply, or I misunderstood him or something like that. And again, I cannot even ask what this guys is thinking about me. Man. I am so dead.

My friend who got a job in USA is moving in tomorrow. That kinda reminds me of the first time I moved here. you know I was staying at Host-family"s place (it's like subletting a room) basically I lived with this old married couple. They were very nice and kind people. But I had a lot of difficulties back then. Liveing with totally strangers with cats and when you go to school, there were so many people who is smater than me, I felt like I was stupid becaus I don't understand/made a lot of grammartical mistakes. making friends,buying something, finding school, new place, roommates. oh my gosh. You know, I did a lot of first-time things in here. I don't know how I did it and how Did I motivate myself.

I have been here 3 years and 3 months.Man time flies really fast.