Me

I found old pictures last night. And message books, too.
I was fat child. I had like 200lbs (max). I thought I had thing to proud of myself, I was not good at anything, was VERY shy, Never talked in front of people, almost like wall flower and quiet.

But I was reading my first impression from my friends from my message books. Surprisingly though, from my friends' point of view was I was cheerful,　thoughtful, smily and cute.
Was I ? Okay I kinda know I was nice. But cute? Cute? That is the thing I could not be and will never be able to be.

Some people wrote I was noisy.hmmm It was so different what I thought about myself and what they thought about me. It was really interesting.

The other day , one of my friends told me that I am kinda pretty. I was really happy at the same time I kinda felt weird.What should I say? My friend told me that I should have said"thank you".

When I was a little, my mom never told me I was pretty or talented or anything. She always told me to loose weight and study more. That was it. Which I didn't do. I was really boyish girl. I always go out side crimb trees and get some fruits from somebody's garden, did little adventure everyday with my friends and no study. Never did my home work. I always left my home work at school. That drove my mom crazy though.

When I was little, I tried not to be at home, because I was always alone. as I get older, I had to pick up my baby sister to kindergarden and took her home and waited for my mom.
Half of my life, I was alone and so lonely. I guess that is why I don't like to be alone now. I am very lonely person at the same time, I need to have my own space.Since I got so used to be alone, I need to be alone sometimes. I cannot be with someone 24/7.It drives me crazy.

I wish I was better.I just don't know why I am so sad.