Interesting spot

I am still in Kumamoto. Everyday is the same actually. Check my e-mail, look for a job, take a shower , make my lunch, clean up dishes and laundry, YouTube, dinner check e-mails...

boring, boring, boring. I went swimming yesterday, I went for a walk today, I need to do something. My brain is going to be rotten.This is how I feel. While I was in US, I'd never missed anything about Japan, so nothing has been surprise or nostalgic.Oh no, I am not complaining. well... maybe a little bit. But it is just not good feeling that I am staying my parents house and do nothing ( especially not making money), and seems like I am not doing anything.

I hate myself a little bit now. I guess I am getting weak just for now. I just cannot be myself in here, in Kumamoto. People are nice but everything is really hard , just to live in here. And I miss speaking English so much. It is weird feeling that I am not speaking it at all. 100 % Japanese environment.so tiring. my brain hurts.

I lived in US for a while , I became a little bit insensitive. According to my mom. And I don't know what to do with it, because I cannot figure out what makes people think I am insensitive. To me, people are very insensitive. They are always talking about how I look. I guess I have to loose like 50 lbs and have to be whiter, talk quietly, do not laugh out loud..etc...people in here told me that I am fat and rude. Jeez.

I guess I should disappear, if I am rude and fat. Oh well.... Have to figure out how I can adjust myself in here....

sigh sigh sigh